This morning I woke up not really sure of how I am feeling – probably too much emotions that I haven’t figured out yet so I end up feeling unsure of everything. I end up distressed and intimidated by the new adventure that lies ahead– as I always am when I’m about to leave the country. I also just got back from our Siargao trip last Sunday night and now I’m packing (supposed to be packing) for our Japan trip tomorrow. As what always happens when I’m away from my home for more than a few days, I get separation anxiety from my family and I also get easily stressed from having to leave home and the things that I have yet to do and have to do before I leave.
I am a very emotional person and I have a bad case of anxiety and this year I have been learning to work with my emotions and myself. It has been the biggest challenge that I have faced (head on – very proud of myself for this) this year but slowly I am learning that time, patience and love are key.
So, back to today — I spend the day brooding on what to do first, fixing our last minute schedule, walking the dogs, spending quality time with the family at home and I also pushed myself to go and see our trainer because I won’t be seeing the gym for the next two weeks.
After my workout – I felt very tired and have also noticed how I was emotionally tense and I bit irritated – too quickly if I may add… so, I decided to do a bit of stretching and meditation in my room.
After a few stretches, I reach for my rose quartz crystal and put it right in front of me as I sat in a lotus position on my yoga mat and I start breathing and counting slowly.
I felt emotions stirring up inside me and after a few seconds’ tears start to fall down my face —An intense feeling of GRATITUDE filled my entire body, heart and soul and I was so grateful for everything in my life, where I am, with who I am and with the people that are in this wonderful journey with me.
Meditation has always helped me in clearing my thoughts and making sense of my emotions but there are still days that meditation is not enough and no matter how long I meditate or visualize my self cleansing my aura I still feel down (I know my hormones has a big role to play in this whole thing) and so, when going through those days I have learned to just let it be, to not judge myself and to go through with the emotions that are demanding to be felt. And then I pick myself up and I tell myself that it is part of my emotional cycle.
But in days like these, where meditation is enough and gratitude fills every part of me – I realize how important it is to learn how to sit with your self when your mind is too busy and your heart too confused. It pays to learn patience and to direct love and compassion towards yourself. Finding calm in the midst of chaos will always be a challenge, but oh the feeling you get when you come out the other side – filled with so much love and light.
I share this because confusion, anger and negativity has been my companion for most of my life and in moments like these where I feel light and so much gratitude, I know that it is possible for anyone – if you just try. ❤
Sending you beautiful souls love and light on this late November evening.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” — Melody Beattie